Standing

A conversation took place this morning. Actually, it was an earlier exchange that prompted the conversation.

Taking the vows to officially wed a couple, the registrar of civil marriages was taken aback by an unexpected question that she apparently seems to have elicited from the groom. This was at the point in the proceedings when she needed to ask the couple whether it was their free will to appear before her to be wedded. 

The exchange : The groom interrupted the ceremony to ask the registrar: Excuse me but are you actually married yourself?

Visually and physically, the celebrant is younger than the bride and groom who are in their 50s and today, as usual, was dynamically dressed. She wears a diamond stud in the left one of her top two middle teeth and her silver hair pin is studded with little diamonds. Her long hair is a combination of black and blond streaks. Okay, she also has a cheeky, friendly smile which gives her cute dimples on her cheeks, but she doesn't wear that when she is presiding over weddings. She carries the dignity of her office normally.

What a moment, conducting a ceremony where the groom felt it necessary to interrupt proceedings and to ask her, the celebrant, if she was married herself. She answered in the affirmative. Then after some laughter from the witnesses and guests, the ritual proceeded to conclusion.

When that was over and the registrar came out to the adjoining office, although she was in her usual beaming self and smiling, she immediately recounted the incident.

It is not really normal what the man had done. The registrar's office does lend itself to the public and allows for wedding couples to express themselves naturally, as long as the celebrant at the end, is satisfied with the information that is vital to the state's recognition of a marriage. So we sat there and eventually laughed it off, but we did talk a little about the incident.

What was the man thinking? What was the nature of his question? What would have been the effect of his question had the registrar replied that she was not married? 

Does an unmarried woman have the right to officiate over a civil wedding ceremony? What constitutes authority for the groom?

Perhaps he was satisfied with her answer. Perhaps he was only trying to be smart before his bride, and their guests. Maybe he just wanted to be cool. But what if he really has no recognition and belief that an unmarried woman can, and has the right to hold high office, to the point where an older man should render himself under the authority of her office and presidency during his wedding?

Something was not right in his thinking. Because further along in the ceremony when the registrar had to verify personal details, maiden name of the bride, the new name she would now acquire from her husband, their new permanent address... here, the man felt it funny to equivocate about whether the address they had given to the registrar's office was accurate. So the registrar again had to enquire as to why the husband was uncertain about his own permanent address. To which he replied that if he should win the Lotto at the weekend, his new address would be in Monaco. This conversation was going on in the middle of the official proceedings of a civil ritual - the man's own wedding ceremony.

He may have felt that this was in good spirit and he may have been acting in jest. Whatever his reasons, this man had a mind, to be disrespectful to a registrar and to show contempt for her office in that way. 

As he was already in his stride, he also felt that he should ask the registrar why she had not  asked them, the couple, if they would love and respect one and other, in good times and in bad times, till death do them part. To which the registrar replied: We don't do that. We are a civil office not a church. We do not preside over moral considerations. We concern ourselves with the basic rights, expectation and injuries of citizens.